17-year-old refuses to give her struggling aunt $50 after she made a pact with her 19-year-old brother to send her money: 'Family is constantly asking my parents for money.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 3, 2026 8:00 PM EST

She said she would send the money, so she should stick to her word.

Do you send money to your family members? Your answer to that question depends on your socioeconomic status and your culture. If you're doing poorly financially, you might be the family member who receives cash from your more well-off family members. They might send it unprompted because they know you're struggling, or you might have to ask them for money to keep the lights on. If every generation in the family is struggling financially, you might all help each other out when you can, so there's never enough to save for the next crisis.

If you grew up in a culture where adult children are expected to send money to their parents, even to the children's detriment, you may feel pressured to continue that tradition. In other cultures, it's considered uncouth for parents to ask their adult children who are making $45K a year for money. But in other cultures, $45K a year is the big bucks, so someone making that salary would be expected to send their parents money, both because their parents are struggling and because they believe they owe them for raising them. 

While some people take great pride in sending money back to their relatives to help support them, others don't want to get trapped in the cycle of losing a large chunk of their income to relatives who feel entitled to it. 

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  • Woman in white crew neck t-shirt wearing a head scarf
    via Stevy Opong

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The teenager in this story didn't have to agree to send $50 to her aunt, who lives in the Democratic Republic of Congo. But she did agree to that with her brother, and now she wants to back out of her promise. She has the money to send, but she'd rather use it for her own wants.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to give my dad’s sister money?

    i 17F have a part time job alongside school that gets me about £650 a month.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • my money isn't for any responsibilities as my parents pay for my travel and anything school related.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • in december my dad (57) was stressed because his sister (60+ i just know she's older than him) who lives in DRC is struggling and she raised him instead of his parents so he wants to pay back.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • A group of people riding motorcycles down a muddy road
    via Dieuvain Musaghi

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • he asked me and my brother (19) to give her money. me and my brother decide we'd come up with £150 with me paying £50.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • the thing is i've had a handful of empty conversations with her and my dad has 15 siblings and i have never spoke to most of them.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • she might be his sister but to me it's nothing but bld so why would i give her money?
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • my dad keeps asking me to send this £50 and whilst i am financially in a position where i could, i don't see why i should when i've seen the curse of sending money back to congo because my parents have family constantly asking for money.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • Man in white dress shirt smiling beside woman in white dress
    via QG Creations LLC

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • i understand i probably sound selfish but i don't know if i should just send the money because it's been 3 months or if i should refuse because i've just been telling him i will.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • i also have financial things im trying to do myself, i want to buy a car and currently i save £400 of my paycheck as im trying to afford a car, lessons and insurance.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • AITA? edit: i think im gonna send the money. i understand now the weight of my word and now i know for next time to not use my word lightly.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • i am really privileged to have parents that support me as much as they do. for me it wasn't because of £50 it was because of the relationship levels.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • i'm doing this 1. because my dad feels like he owes her and i understand his quilt because he's a dad first before he can support his sister so he can't do what he wants to do 2.
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • because as i've been made aware that your word holds weight
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • Creepy-Lunch-8767 Info needed, did you already agree to send 50? Because that's how your post read. If you did already agree to send money and now you're backtracking kinda TA
    via u/Creepy-Lunch-8767
  • Fit_Birthday_388 Original Poster's Reply i did agree because when he asked he said it will be selfish not to because she's struggling
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • 1 Rainbow Unicorn Just saw a very smart suggestion and wanted to make sure you see it op. Someone suggested sending the 50 to your dad to send to his sister so no one else comes asking you for money. YTA if you go back on your word to your father to help this one time. In the future, say no.
    via u/1RainbowUnicorn
  • Fit_Birthday_388 Original Poster's Reply thank you i didn't see this, i definitely will
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • JRae0408 Is this a one time thing or monthly that she wants this money?
    via u/JRae0408
  • Fit_Birthday_388 Original Poster's Reply he just asked me to give money he never clarified if it would be regular
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • Hlynb93 I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but you sound callous. I take it you would probably never consider donating to charity or anything of the such as these people are strangers and you owe them nothing. It seems many people find it hard to be a decent human being these days.
    via u/Hlynb93
  • Fit_Birthday_388 Original Poster's Reply you're wrong. my issue wasn't with giving the money, it was feeling controlled and pressured to do it. i don't like being pressured because now when i give his sister the money im not doing it from my heart, im doing it to get him off my back. i think intention is important and now when i help her it's not genuine
    via u/Fit_Birthday_388
  • Plus-Editor-6928 The only thing swaying me towards YTA is purely the fact you already agreed to send $50, and are now going back on it. Had you stood your ground and said "No, I don't have a relationship with this person, I don't want to send them money" then 100% NTA, good for you. They're not your responsibility and you work for your money, but you already agreed with your brother how much to send. Personally, just get it over with, send the $50, then refuse to do it ever again. Tell your dad
    via u/Plus-Editor-6928
  • EnjoysAGoodRead YTA. It's £50 and your aunt literally lives in one of the poorest countries in the world and raised your dad. He's trying to teach you the importance of family. I'm not saying give her £50 every month, but as a one off, £50 isn't going to break the bank.
    via u/EnjoysAGoodRead
  • my- You already agreed so just keep your word. However clearly and respectfully communicate that going forwards you won't and why.
    via u/my-bum
  • SoftLatinaKitten YTA - you committed to send £50 so you need to fulfill that commitment. I understand and agree with all the reasons you don't think you should have to or don't want to. But a commitment is a commitment; you'll know next time not to commit until you've had an opportunity to more carefully consider the request.
    via u/SoftLatinaKitten
  • Jerseygirl2468 NTA you're 17, and that's not your responsibility, it's your dad's choice to help her out. Can he afford to do so on his own? Why is he asking his children to do it instead of him? I think it's nice he wants to help her, it sounds like she sacrificed a lot for him, and probably the other siblings too, and that can really put someone at a disadvantage in their own life, but he can't rely on you to do it. What he could do though is ask you to start paying for some things on your own
    via u/Jerseygirl2468
  • SirChaos77 Wait... HE wants to "pay her back", so YOU (and your brother) are supposed to give her money? Are you two his children or his ATMs? NTA
    via u/SirChaos77

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africa struggle teenagers working aunt dad family mom money poverty
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